~~Dedicated to dEd puppEt~~
This section is devoted with much love and care to the one dEd puppEt, A.k.A Adrian, one of, if not the best love of my life. He is has made me see thing in life and taght me things that have helped to make me the person I am today. I have so much to tell him and that I want to give him, since this is one of my most prized posessions in life right now, I thought no better place than here. I want to tell everyone how much he means to me and how much I love him for all that he is, for all that he isn't. You most likely won't get everything out of this that I mean for you, but mostly, I hope that you, dEd, understand and like what I have here for you. Please check back here for updates and more of how much you mean to me. I am forever dedicated to you honey...
I guess first things first huh, well for those of you who don't know, dEd and I dated for about a year and 6 months and then broke up for reasons of our own. Just recently he and I have found our way back to each other, and have been the best of friends. I have so much I want to tell him (you) and I thought I would start with a short poem that I wrote for him (you) not that long ago. I have so many feelings, so many things that remind me of you, so many stories, and memories, and much more that I wanted to share about him (you) and thought this would be a start.
Please note: From now on I will be talking as if this is to him, (because it is) so everything that is writen "you", is referring to dEd.
~Dark One From the Past~
How do you say all the things you want to say to someone you've just pushed away All the feelings, thoughts, and emotions coming back from the past It was all done and said way too fast Leaving those behind and trying to get over that somone But just when you thought the battle has been won Those feelings, thoughts, and emotions keep coming back.
The tenderness of your touch, the sweet smell of you near by I can't think of saying that last goodbye The whipser of your voice, the softness of your kiss The more I think about it, the more of you I miss I've kept everything hidden deep down inside Perhaps it's just to keep my pride But the time has come to stop and start over.
Now just friends, the closest of friends But the feeling is there deep within, I can't pretend Each time we talk, each time we're together now I keep thinking there's a way to make it work some way some how So confused about things said and done I want to go away, just run But something keep pulling me back to you.
Oh dark one from the past Will this be forever, will this last Oh dark one from the past We've got to cease the day, we've got to think fast Oh dark one from the past We can't go on like this, go on into the open vast Oh dark one from the past
I wrote that poem not long ago, I think it was January 19th, 2001 after we had started talking again and really becoming attached again. I find that I have so much to tell you but am not exactly sure of how to go about it right now. I hope that by this section and by the poems and things I have for you, that you will understand me better...
Some thoughts for you dEd:
February 21, 2001
I just noticed I have not written anything in here for quite some time and wanted to just add a little something. First, Happy Valentine's Day to you and much love and friendship to you always. I know we were apart for that day but I wanted you to know that I was thinking about you all day long!!
I am finding that the more and more I think, the more I know that you are so special to me and mean so very much to me. No matter what happened in the past, that will never chnage the way I feel and think about the present and future. I know that things didn't go as you would have liked them to, but hopefully from now on they will be better.
I hope that one day we will be where we both want to be in life and with each other. Until then I look forward to enjoying your company and support. I hope that I might support you and help you as you do me. I appreciate you and love you, you always know that and don't forget it! Until next time...(((HUGS))) and love to you always.
January 22, 2001
I have some thoughts that don't come in poetry form, don't come in story form, just in my head waiting to told to you. Until just this afternoon I had not told you most of them, but wanted you to make sure that you remembered them. so I put them up here and you can come back anytime you want to.
I can't describe exactly how I feel about you, although I know that I care about you so much, I would die a thousand horrible deaths for you over and over, so you wouldn't have to feel an ounce of pain. I would walk acrross the desert for you and not dry up and die. I would help you as you helped me and try to give you my all. This and so much more I would do for you, all you must do is ask!
My love grows stronger for you each and every day, I am not sure why. I try to push all the feelings aside, to hide them away again, but it never works. I am trying to make sense of all this, all that is happening and nothing comes of it. I know that only time will tell and patience we must hold on to, but in the mean time, things are still so strange, like we've lived them before. I just want you to know that I care about you so very much, and you mean more than life to me. I cry sometimes to know that what I have done to you by pushing you away in the past, was the worst thing I could do. I hate myself everyday for that and wish I could take it back. I know that it was good and bad, and you changed from that time of seperation, but it should have been different...some how different.
(To Be Continued...)
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